The last few days have been all a buzz in “busyness” and excitement over 4H projects and some of the girls getting ready to leave with Dad on a trip to California to visit family.
The truth is I, unfortunately, have been busy with fear.
I hate living there. But I have to be honest.
Debbie Synder, the author of “Keto Kid”, once asked Dr. Freeman the question, “How long will it take before I don’t worry any more?” His answer, “When you are 76.”
I’m sure it will be 106 for me.
Autumn has had ear pain for several weeks, and all my usual remedies that typically work, didn’t fix it. So this past Monday found us in the doctor’s office.
“I am pretty sure I see some pus behind the ear drum,” says he. And then comes the RX for an antibiotic.
In my mind I am thinking, “If she wasn’t getting on a plane in 3 days, I would just try to ride this out. But she is getting on a plane, and she could be in excruciating pain if that infection continues. What is worse, the treatment or the pain.”
For some of you reading this, you won’t understand what is the big deal about putting your kid on antibiotic. I am not against antibiotics. I am grateful they exist.
The issue is living life after seizures and being worried that something will set them off again.
With all the research about the microbiome and gut health affecting brain health…as a past seizure mom…it makes you worried. In addition to that, the flight times are a bit crazy and will yield very little sleep. And of course with all the family gatherings there will be lots of activity and lots of great food – all kinds of great wonderful favorites and treats to eat while laughing and hanging out with her cousins. But she will need self-control…that antibiotic will be messing with her gut… and if she’s eating the wrong food… and perhaps not getting enough sleep…. could be a recipe for disaster…and on… and on… and on.
I wanted her to be able to go and just enjoy the trip. She hasn’t been out to see family for almost 6 years.
I didn’t want her to be worried about anything.
But she knows mom is worried.
This is not the way I wanted it to be.
“Wanting things your way — can destroy any way at all.”*
And so I wait. I just have to wait. I have to wait for 10 days until they are all back home. With me. (Of course then they will be safe, right?!)
“Waiting can feel like an insane asylum of its own.”
Yes, I am living there today. I want the answer now! “Is she going to be ok?!”
“He who is hurried by worry, delays the comfort of God.
I am literally exhausted today by worry…Why can’t I just rest in that comfort?
“We can simply want our situation solved — when God simply wants to be our answer. And the best situation — is always what makes God your best hope.”
For those of you who pray, I would covet those prayers for peace and protection right now. I am not afraid to ask.
One thing I know for sure, I know her dad will keep her close and take the greatest care of her.
He is an amazing man.
Perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18)
I will press on. 🙂
* All quotes come from today’s Ann Voscamp